Written on October 23, 2010 at 11:07 pm by meg.letters@yahoo.com 8 Ways To Turn Down An Invitation….NICELY!

It does happen: someone you know (friend, neighbour, colleague, even family member) has just invited you for an event–social or religious–or has requested you to participate in something. Maybe someone you hardly know (a blind date, a want-to-be friend) has invited you, the issue is that this invite came at a wrong timing for you and you are at a loss on what to do. If you are turning it down, please remember that it isn’t okay to not call back, to ignore the message or avoid the sender, rather than letting this person know your reply….I think it is rude to keep mute about it! Instead, here are some of my personal suggestions that are nice, friendly, cordial and polite ways of saying you may not be able to go.• Do not lie or flatter: Lies are easier to tell, unbelievably! But they are somewhat pointless in this case. If you aren’t an avid movie-watcher, for instance, then tell this friend it was one reason you couldn’t go together to the cinema. Also, too much insincere compliments or cracking of jokes won’t make light of the matter either.
• Don’t be too ‘beggy’: i.e., too apologetic. Sound regretful but don’t go apologizing on and on and on. A reasonable amount of apologies will just cut it.
• State just ONE and only one powerful reason why you won’t be able to attend or participate. Don’t go on and on about this and that, bringing out a train of complains, you may even turn off the mood by whining.
• If this person isn’t a friend, then the more reason you have to be polite. It won’t take anything from you, it just creates a better image of you, really.
• Start cheerfully, i.e., don’t sound too businesslike/straight-to-the point, on the other hand still, don’t sound excessively playful, the other person may feel you are just acting it(which you really may be doing!).
• Do not do it successively: For a friend, do not repeat this absence a second time, if you can. If this same person invites you a next time, try and honour the invite this time. This way it will make your first absence truly look genuine. For someone you barely know and don’t feel like seeing again, politely tell them to kindly discontinue inviting you to prevent more and more apologies from you, say things like: ‘hello, got your invite, I thank you for being thoughtful but I really think you should discontinue as I am sure we both cannot make a headway with this.’ If you don’t have a reason this second time, don’t bother about it. Yes, though you may be leaving this person hanging wondering why, yet by giving a not-so-good or insensitive reason, you just might end up hurting the person. If you are asked why, it is safer to say: ‘(PR) Personal reasons’.
• Show some concern, wish the friend a successful event(if it’s an event) in advance.
• Finally, don’t worry whether or if the other person had truly been convinced about what you had said: if you have followed the above steps, then the last step is–end it there. No need to toss and turn in bed about it for you have played your part well and the ball is now in the other’s court not yours. You’d be surprised the magic response of this person when next you both meet.
Margaret E.